Mardi Gras Parade 2010

the crowd

the sexy bondi lifesaver, even better than baywatch

animals from taronga zoo. I want to visit that zoo if they present their "animals" this way. :D

one of the sun god

its good to be home (late post)

I was so sick when i get off the plane, i got to drag my feet towards the exit. such a long flight. home, finally. I walk outside and breathe in the polluted air, it stink. somehow i dont mind it so much.

The traffic was mad, like always but i dont have the energy to pay attention, i am too sick. dad is driving and he keep checking my temperature, worried. I instantly feel loved. ah, its good to be home.

Spent five days of my short holiday horizontal. trying to recover from the madness of assignment before i come home. typhoid, dengue fever, and whatever else. a doctor said i got this sick because i was depressed and unstable. of course i dont believe him. visit from good friends helps though, i was released the next day.

I was away for less than a year and already i am amazed with the Indonesian driving skills. seating in passenger seat almost feel like a torture and i nearly believe i have lose my ability to drive through this madness, but it all come back after few hours behind the wheel. the traffic jam was really bad but i dont mind it so much, Jakarta suddenly look pretty, with the air pollution hanging low above the skyscraper and the motorcyclist zig-zagging their way around the traffic. I watch people driving expensive cars throwing rubbish to the street, wealth is not equal to awareness, apparently. watch with awe all those stuff transported with the motorbikes; boxes of things, breads, fruits, chickens. chickens!

Before this, every time someone asked me which part of Indonesia i am from, i always answer: the worst bit. they'll quickly guess; Jakarta?. maybe now i wont say that anymore, Jakarta is not THAT bad. especially with the company of good friends.

Reluctantly, i am back in Brissy. Still not all too excited about summer in Canberra but so looking forward to start working. Cant wait for December 2010, extensive travel across east Indonesia. friends, see you soon.

things that got me cry in agony

I hear about this news on sunday, after attending the messian concert with moonlight.. they announced it on the radio, i was puzzled at first. islam? woman? what is this about?

moonlight told me, they just killed him.

i was like, what? who? got killed? why??

"for committing adultery. they found out that his fiancee is pregnant, before marriage. so they just stoned him to death." *tears start seeping from my eyes*

"what happened to the girl? is she ok?"

"they'll wait until she give birth then they gonna stoned her too" *i am burst in anger after hearing this, unbelievable*

that news, got me sat on the corner of my bed, crying. asking myself why there's so much cruelty in this world? why religion bring so much destruction? why there is verses in the holy book that justify this? WHY?

and all those people who claim that my heart is darkened by the western ideas and being atheist is wrong.. i would like to offer to them the same news and see how they feel about it.. most likely, i suspect.. they'll say: its not islam, its the followers, cruelty happen, accept it.

i lost words, i lost words to describe how i feel..

me vs my ancestor religion: islam

At this hour of assignment, i am procrastinating. reading national geographic article about islam in Indonesia. reading about the about-to-be-implemented stoning law in Aceh. it freak me out, really. my relationship with this religion is a complicated one. i was born into a moslem family. one that both devoted but liberal. one that teach the children to respect woman, one that emphasize the teaching "surga itu berada di telapak kaki ibu" (literally translated into) -heaven is at your mother's feet- (therefore you got to really respect her, 3 times more than your father). my parents put me into a religious school. got me to recite Qur'an after every night prayer (until i was 15, when i move out of the house). i was a devout moslem. i was a believer. i used to search for "answers" in prayers. until i figured out it was not the path for me. i make my choices in life, and when i was 19 i choose to turn around and walk towards different direction. by the time i am 21 i came out of the closet. i declare my atheism to the world, even to my parents. i expect them to disown me for that. but they didnt and our relationship has get so much better since then. (although they still disapprove) It was as if i declare i am gay. i receive many judgements and criticism. too many of them said i have been "westernized", some even convinced that i have convert into christianity. i used to spend hours trying to explain and dignified my choice, explaining its not other religion i fall into. its the freedom of not putting my believe into something that require obedience without questioning. a satisfaction without understanding. I hate to see how islam was being interpreted and implemented in Aceh. i got caught for not wearing headscarf some years back and that moment was aired in the morning news the next day. it was embarrassing, but it doesnt stop me from coming back (and still not wearing headscarf - whenever i can). hearing about how the Syariah law evolving in Aceh really freak me out. will they really going to implement all those ridiculous law? stoning for adultery, cutting hand for stealing, and the whipping, the whipping! maybe it's too late to try to make a difference. what would happen to Aceh in the next 10, 20 years? could it be the time when the extremist islam taking over and there will be no space for people like me? people who embrace the freedom of not believing in god and religion. people who embrace atheism. and for my moslem friend, your god must have told you in his book on how to react to this piece of though. "To you be your way, and to me mine (109:6)"

my family and my geographic ignorance

I was talking to my mom on the phone about her plan to come to sydney and canberra and to visit me in brisbane. it goes like this:

Mom: Okay then! so what we do is you come to canberra from brisbane and meet me and your dad in canberra and then we will go to sydney together!

Me: Mom, if we meet up in Canberra and then go to Sydney from Canberra it will be like, meeting in Bandung and then from there going to Jakarta while we both gonna land in Jakarta in the first place!

another case:

Mom: What about.. you come down to sydney and then we'll go to brisbane while your dad have meting in canberra? i wanna have a look around your university. there's not much traffic jam in australia, right? not like in Jakarta?

Me: Mom.. Brisbane - Sydney is like.. Jakarta - Bali, yeah we can do a one day tour but its not really a good idea, i think.

Mom: Ah! i thought its like Jakarta - Bogor, an hour drive away!

and a facebook chat with my brother

My brother: What are you doing?

Me: Listening to Umalali

My brother: Who's that?

Me: A singer. from Garifuna ethnic group

My brother: oooooo..

Me: You know?

My brother: No

Me: Garifuna is the ethnic group, they live in Central America. You know where is the Caribbean?

My brother: pirates of the caribbean? Yes i know

Me: where?

My brother: Vietnam?

Me: HAHAHAHAHA.

and an MSN conversation with a friend

My Friend: Heard you're going to continue your study in Australia?

Me: yep

My friend: Where? in Sydney? Melbourne?

Me: nope, Brisbane.

My Friend: Why Brisbane?

Me: Well... its in Queensland, where the Great Barrier Reef are.. sooo.. i suppose i can go there more often than if i am in Sydney, no? suppose to be the closest city to the GBR and its a good University.

* which apparently was a wrong assumption. when i finally google earth UQ and Brisbane, i was almost shock to find out that it was not on the coast! should probably go to Wollongong instead? or Waikato altogether *

another conversation with my sister, have nothing to do with geography

My sister: Does shark make any sound?

Me: I dunno. but i know whale and dolphin does

My sister: what about (she mentioned another animals, i cant remember which one but i do remember that i dont know the answer, until after several question she asked which i still cant answer, she asked..) turtle? does they make any sound?

Me: (start to get pissed off at my own stupidity) I dunno, did they have ears?

a tattoo

My dad always told me not to do something that is irreversible. that is, if i ever wished to change something from my past, its still possible. his definition of irreversible things is included: tattoo, piercing (even if u can remove it, its still gonna leave a mark anyway), and few other things that i dont really want to share here. 

so anyway, apart that. i had one piercing, on my belly button, and i love it, and i dont think i'll take it off anytime soon. and now i am thinking of getting a tattoo. i thought about this tattoo for about 3 years now, and i still havent get it done. for this one, i dont want to be impulsive, *like i normally did* i want to think about it properly and come up with a design that will stay on my skin forever. not something i pick form an album, i want a picture that is made for me, one picture that would reflect my personality and somewhat record my youngsters days, one picture that i'll never regret or wanted to remove.

anyone could give me any suggestion or helped me out on this?

that which does not kill us makes us stronger.

the last time i told that to myself was around 3 years ago. early 2006. yeah, around that time.

a moment in time, one of a turning point in my life. the best gift i ever give to myself. sigh. i looked back of "who" (or what?) am i today and think, how could i be so weak so stupid?

in the end, after all this year, i can talk about it, not without the bitterness, but at least i can admit my mistake and learn a lesson from it. but yeah, its a lesson that i learn the hard way: To love myself more than anything else.

that was the moment when i turn my back on my childhood god. that was the relationship that left a mark so deep i become afraid of commitment and i never stop doubting what love have to offer to me, that was the filter that allow me to see with incredible clarity, who is friend, who is acquaintances, and who is enemy.

and yeah, i am grateful i went through that difficult year. otherwise, i probably wont be as strong as i am today.


*it might be irrelevant to you, but really, i have to quote this sentence*
What does your conscience say? — "You shall become the person you are."

Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 1882