that which does not kill us makes us stronger.

the last time i told that to myself was around 3 years ago. early 2006. yeah, around that time.

a moment in time, one of a turning point in my life. the best gift i ever give to myself. sigh. i looked back of "who" (or what?) am i today and think, how could i be so weak so stupid?

in the end, after all this year, i can talk about it, not without the bitterness, but at least i can admit my mistake and learn a lesson from it. but yeah, its a lesson that i learn the hard way: To love myself more than anything else.

that was the moment when i turn my back on my childhood god. that was the relationship that left a mark so deep i become afraid of commitment and i never stop doubting what love have to offer to me, that was the filter that allow me to see with incredible clarity, who is friend, who is acquaintances, and who is enemy.

and yeah, i am grateful i went through that difficult year. otherwise, i probably wont be as strong as i am today.


*it might be irrelevant to you, but really, i have to quote this sentence*
What does your conscience say? — "You shall become the person you are."

Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 1882