well that was the initial plan, but apparently this become a scattered space of my inconsistent ramble and incoherent mumble. I write my heart out, I throw my anger and frustation, I jotted my hopes and dreams, I record my random thoughts here

October 28, 2009

me vs my ancestor religion: islam

At this hour of assignment, i am procrastinating. reading national geographic article about islam in Indonesia. reading about the about-to-be-implemented stoning law in Aceh. it freak me out, really. my relationship with this religion is a complicated one. i was born into a moslem family. one that both devoted but liberal. one that teach the children to respect woman, one that emphasize the teaching "surga itu berada di telapak kaki ibu" (literally translated into) -heaven is at your mother's feet- (therefore you got to really respect her, 3 times more than your father). my parents put me into a religious school. got me to recite Qur'an after every night prayer (until i was 15, when i move out of the house). i was a devout moslem. i was a believer. i used to search for "answers" in prayers. until i figured out it was not the path for me. i make my choices in life, and when i was 19 i choose to turn around and walk towards different direction. by the time i am 21 i came out of the closet. i declare my atheism to the world, even to my parents. i expect them to disown me for that. but they didnt and our relationship has get so much better since then. (although they still disapprove) It was as if i declare i am gay. i receive many judgements and criticism. too many of them said i have been "westernized", some even convinced that i have convert into christianity. i used to spend hours trying to explain and dignified my choice, explaining its not other religion i fall into. its the freedom of not putting my believe into something that require obedience without questioning. a satisfaction without understanding. I hate to see how islam was being interpreted and implemented in Aceh. i got caught for not wearing headscarf some years back and that moment was aired in the morning news the next day. it was embarrassing, but it doesnt stop me from coming back (and still not wearing headscarf - whenever i can). hearing about how the Syariah law evolving in Aceh really freak me out. will they really going to implement all those ridiculous law? stoning for adultery, cutting hand for stealing, and the whipping, the whipping! maybe it's too late to try to make a difference. what would happen to Aceh in the next 10, 20 years? could it be the time when the extremist islam taking over and there will be no space for people like me? people who embrace the freedom of not believing in god and religion. people who embrace atheism. and for my moslem friend, your god must have told you in his book on how to react to this piece of though. "To you be your way, and to me mine (109:6)"