well that was the initial plan, but apparently this become a scattered space of my inconsistent ramble and incoherent mumble. I write my heart out, I throw my anger and frustation, I jotted my hopes and dreams, I record my random thoughts here

February 14, 2012

public announcement

dear friends, considering conditions I am about to describe below:
(a) my impending arrival at home correlated to (b) exponential increase of "items" some of you requested, under the circumstances of (c) minimal financial flexibility, (d) a degree of time constraint due to tight working schedule and (e) limited luggage allowance
I would like to announce that I wont be capable of sparing the thoughts of love towards all of you in a form of souvenir or foreign goods. However, I would be happy to share stories, experiences and knowledge with whoever interested in exchange.

I hope you would understand that this is not personal and no offense intended to those who happen to not receive little dutch gifts from me.
Your understanding are very much appreciated.

its not you, its me.

February 10, 2012

PhD shift

Back in the day, when scientific development are new and there's still so much to discover, people do research for the sake of knowledge.. Scientist board ships traveling to the unknown world risking so much to come home with new understanding of the world. Research that actually expand the world knowledge, research that actually move civilization forward.
People do research for many years and after contributing so much to science their work were valued, or appreciated with this title "Doctor of Philosophy" or whatever
these days people take PhD because its a paid job, because its fancy, because they want to travel and do whateverfuck and get paid for it, because they're unemployed and have no better idea on what to do with their life, or because it make them appear smart.
So many people who is doing PhD these days doesnt actually know what the fuck are they doing.
and that includes me.

no, actually that defined me.

i am not trying to diminish the value of research or of other PhDs. i am just getting frustrated with the beginning of my self inflicted doom

January 25, 2012

day out with carel

winter sun is rising, it was 9 am yet the glow barely begun

as the sun continue to rise, the sunlight floods the landscape, giving it a nice warm color

towards mid day the little frost covering the plants start to melt then evaporate, parts of the plants facing east start to show its true color and parts facing west still stubbornly hold on to their icy cover

January 18, 2012

symbolic gesture

putting every single fabric in sight into the washing machine
mopping the floor over and over again
rearranging the furniture

as if I am doing the same with my life.


January 10, 2012

juggle it, clown.

It was one of those days
nearly mundane, hardly routine
after such productive week (and weekend)
pages of writing, hours of brainstorms and floods of inspiration
exhaustion kicked in

leave the bed when the skies barely turn lighter shades of blue and grey
come home after dark
staring at the mess in the room
piles of dirty (and clean) clothes I can't seems to tell the difference
uncooked dinner
cold air
tons of emails and text messages
indicating the tasks I am yet to get through
can I do this?
responsibilities, expectations

inhaling the warmth from a cup of tea
i want to feel home
i want to be capable to juggle this life
i want to cope with the responsibilities
and rise up to the expectations
i want to be in control, again

the thoughts of warm moist salty air of home
the friendly temperature of the ocean
the blue pounding waves

and you.

and choices I have to make
and I juggle, like a clown

lego juggling clown image was taken from here

January 3, 2012


I signed up for 365 project
this self-imposed challenge will require me to take at least one photo each day for a year
its a training for commitment and consistency
yeah, commitment and consistency
exercising my photographic curiosity

creativity is like a muscle -- it can be built, strengthened and made flexible through use
-Jim Krause

check out my progress here

January 2, 2012

first publication

After one good year of writing, revising, editing, addressing reviewer comment, back on revising, yet another editing phase, topped with "oh what the fuck i dont care anymore" followed by "ok lets finish this bullshit" and all the rubbish that comes along with it. Finally, first publication.

The title sounds cocky, boring and inconclusive but its the world of academic, you know. Being in ivory tower, observe the shit down below and think "oh I am so smart I am gonna tell you what to do just check what I write, oh no sorry I am not involved I am unbiased academic YOU KNOW". --Yeah sorry I am being a jerk--

Anyway, now I added one-too-many to that enormous pile of paper published in scientific journal with chances only a handful of people would read - hopefully will got as far as the abstract.

Nevertheless, I think its an achievement on its own right. Regardless of how superficial or useless it is. Acknowledging its a small journals, not Nature or Science but Annals of Tropical Research (did you say anal?). Ah well. Good journals, bad journals. I published one!


aforementioned article downloadable here

irrelevant picture belong to a friend. I just have to upload it together, although that one writing have another story altogether.