on the road to nowhere

"Go forth on your path, as it exists only through your walking." ~ Saint Augustin (354-430)

i am officially homeless now.

i had thousands question in mind, that is less important than the people selling watches and bags on petaling street but as haunting, it keep comin to me, you know.

So there's a story about a financially poor couple whose been waiting so long to have a boy, until one day the wife conceive and gave birth to a boy! the neighboors commenting how lucky they are to get such cute baby boy, it doesnt take long until the boy grow up and start to have a request, the boy wanted to have a horse! of course the parents cant afford to buy a horse, so the neighboors comment on what-a-bad-luck the situation is, until suddenly someone present the boy a horse, what a goodluck again, the neighboor said.. the boy wanted a horse and somebody give it to him.. not so long after, when the boy ride the horse he accidentally fall and break his left leg, he will be dependent on walking stick for the rest of his life, what a bad luck again comment the neighboors.. years passed, and before the people realize: the country is at war, all the men are required to join the army forces, but the boy managed to escaped the army forces because of the imperfetion of his body, due to the "horse accident" that happen years back.. and so the neighboor said.. what a lucky boy he is..

Now, the question is.. how we define luck? a certain occation on certain condition that is favorable? how do we define making sense? anything that felt convinient to you? how do we define.. failure? ok, this very question struck me.. i dont know, sometimes i feel like i fail myself to be a good daughter, i fail to be a good believer, i fail in many aspect of my live. But as the earth spin and we human discover, i bet there's still too many sides of live i have yet to see.. Sometimes, when we're on the edge of despair.. we fail to see the beautiful side of live..

And how you can tell about the part that matter most in live? to pursuit happiness? how do you define happiness again? a state of satisfaction when you achieve something? or a mere 'good kick' on your everyday live? its like the saying "people who know nothing didnt make mistake"-because they dont know, no one can blame them about it-

i grow up inside the circle of asian culture where the pride the dignity the name of the family is the thing that matter most, at one point in my life i choose my own path and refuse to walk the path people choose for me, maybe its too early, or maybe its way too early as this decision stir the murky-water-relationship between me and my parents, time clocking way too fast since i make up my mind about it, and of course, there's always price to pay, maybe when the lure of expensive cars and luxurious house fail to pull me, the need of safety fail to caged me, i would rather live on the street if that will allow me to have the power on myself..

reminding ourselves of Benjamin Franklin's words:
"Those who would give up essential liberty to puschase temporal safety deserves neither liberty nor safety"